i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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