Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
