hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want a musical about memes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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