i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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