The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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