i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I didn't notice because vodka
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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