we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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