made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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