just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
