At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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