Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize