Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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