I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
