For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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