You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
