It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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