When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
