My Higher Power is John Stamos
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
