I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
