At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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