I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
