i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
