We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
