I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
