Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
