she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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