so that wasnt chicken after all
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
