she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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