My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize