NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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