He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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