Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
