He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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