Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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