i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
