Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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