ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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