She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
