Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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