On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
