So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
