I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
