Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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