Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
