I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We need to get me chipped asap
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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