I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
