i barfeds in our rink
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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