Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
