My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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