i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
