I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
