We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
