Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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