Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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