It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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