He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
