i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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