he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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