Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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