You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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