just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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