i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
