my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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