Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
