I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
