i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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