Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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