I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
