Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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