Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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